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I Think Were Alone Now.

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[17 Mar 2007|01:01pm]
Im going to prom.
Just so I can see my Danielle
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[19 Feb 2007|01:33pm]


it feels so good to be on vacation =). No school & no work means lots of exctiing adventures to be had!!

I went to Vermont on Saturday with Chrys to visit Dani (this girl that I met @ BayPath during a scholarship dinner).. Vermont is sooo beautiful =). We went out to eat with Dani and her friend Combat @ Olive Garden && had soooo much fun. They are both aweome chicks. The only problem was that my moms muffler decided to pretty much fall off--but Dani's dad fixed it with a metal coat hanger lol. And i havent told my mom--and i really dont think im going to at all. But shhhh!!! Dani has a really nice house in the middle of the woods on like a mountian lol. She kissed me, and Im not complaining about that, but I dont like her like that. I mean shes really awesome && a GREAT kisser, but Im not feelin the whole relationship vibe thing--so I guess we'll just see what happens. Shes gonna be at the overnight on Tuesday so thats cool. And Friday my mom is gonna drive me up there and Im gonna spend the night and Dani will drive me home Saturday. Chrys might come too =). It should be pretty fun =).

Today Im hanging out with my Cherie Berrrrryy cakes. I <3 her ohh soo much =). Were going with Billy to help him pick out a new car--and probably gonna smoke the ganja like always lol..

So thats pretty much all I have to say.....ILL LOVE YOU FOR COMMENTS!
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[22 Jan 2007|02:31pm]
I broke up with him.
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[12 Jan 2007|03:09pm]
Well shit sucks. And I don't know why. I have everything in the world going for me right now, yet nothing seems appealing to me. I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me like a fucking queen, I have a job, my grades @ school are great, I got accepted to BayPath College with a scholarship. I mean there is NOTHING negative in my life, yet nothing makes me happy. I find something wrong withe everything && I have more doubts than anyone I know. I haven't felt like this in foever, since fucking freshman year. And now all of a sudden BAM Im a senior && my fucked up head just decides to get even more fucked up? How does that fucking work? Im soo uuughhh aggrivated all the fucking time, and if Im not aggrivated && wanting to rip someones face off then Im sadd && feeling sorry for myself..

And to make everything worse,someone from my past, that fucked me over hardcore, is trying to be a part of my life again. No its not Jess, but I'm not going to write who it is, 1) i dont want to get lectured and 2) i dont want certain people to know. Its the most random shit in the world && I shouldn't even worry about it. I HAVE A BOYFRIEND--i can't fuck this relationship up. So this person needs to just stay out of my life like he has for the past 3 years. You don't just randomly miss someone after fucking up their entire life & fucking them over hardcore. And you def. dont just show up at that persons house out of nowhere.

On a GOOD note--Melissa came into my work last night. I havent seen her in forever && a day. We literally just stood up at the service desk and talked for an hour and half. and i didnt even get in trouble for it.<3. shes a fucking AWESOME chick && always makes me laugh. we're goin to hang out next week! should be funnn stuff.

Natalie..HA. is dating John Joubert. GROSSSSSSS. ICK. -gag-. And now he isnt talknig to me cause he thought I made out with her while they were dating && I simply told him not to accuse me of things && told him that it happened @ Tech9 and he continued to yell at me some more && then I screamed @ him and said something along the lines of "youre just mad cause your gf wants my poon, fuck off". And so we arent really talking. And she expects me to be okay with this whole situation, like she still talks to me and tells me she wants my vag. HAHAHAHHAHA..

Onto my "friends". I don't have many of those these days. Me && Billy used to be so fucking close. Now it seems like he never has time for just me. And on the rare occasion he does, its so awkward && we end up arguing about something or other. We used to have so much fucking fun together, and now its like I have to walk on eggshells around him && I dont wwant my friendship to be like that. I don't know what to do-- I try so hard && nothing seems to work. Whatever. And Chrys is too preoccupied with Colt && Bruno and whatever is going on with that. And then sure there's Jt, who is amazing BTW, but I hardly get to see him so Im debating on whether or not this whole thing is even worth it ya know? I mean when we are together its GREAT, but not seeing him whenever I want to anymore, really fucking sucks.

Hmmm..what else to bitch about? Im going to be 18 in 14 days. Ha, me an "adult". Thats so fucking funny. I don't want to grow up, I wish I could start high school all over just so I don't have to grow up. Honestly becoming an "adult" scares the fuck out of me. After this year NOTHING is going to be the same && none of what seems important to me now is going to matter at this time next year. And thats pretty fucked up.

There is so much I could complain about, but Im done writing this right now. Theres no point.
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[20 Dec 2006|02:29pm]
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[20 Dec 2006|02:21pm]
I have pneumonia.
Kill me, please.
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[15 Dec 2006|02:14pm]
Hmph. Tech N9ne was Friday and it was amazing.
Chrys came with me && we had a wonderful night =).
Skitzo appologized to me--crazzyy ehh?
Yeah, I thought so too.
I'm at school && it sucks a LOT.

I talked to Pk (this kid from Nh) and he wants me to go up there for my birthday
cause its on a Friday.
&& he wants to throw me a HUGE party--which would be fucking awesome if you ask me.

I dont know....
I need a life.
And yeah.
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[08 Dec 2006|05:10pm]
I need to change.
I fucked up soo many things in my life, and I don't know how to fix any of it.

Ima senior in high school & Im afraid to move on.
I want to start all over again.
Hit the rewind button.
Have a second chance, and not make the dumb decisions that Ive made.
I do things that are wrong, because at the time they seem to benefit me.
Because Ima selfish self-centered person.

I wish I could change everything.

Maybe then people that Ive know since freshman year would still talk to me. The ones that really matter.

I miss extra-cheese pizza. And dying my hair. And walking to my aunts house when my mom went nuts. And being in NH. And going to see The Used. And eating macaroni-and cheese. And counting poptarts..And all the fun times we had..

All in all.
I suck.
And fuck up friendships.
And miss Jessika Lee Trudell a LOT.
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[08 Dec 2006|04:59pm]

I wish i was a freshman.
I want my OLD life back.

I hate how shit is.
Everything sucks.

I see the same 2 people EVERY DAMN DAY.
I miss everyone else.

I fucked up a lot of things.
Because Im basically self-centered.
And do things that I know are wrong, but seem like they will benefit me at the time..

I really think its time for a change.
I wish i could erase EVERYTHING Ive done.
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Change isnt always good. [11 Oct 2006|04:21pm]

So I haven't written in here in uhmm lets see forever and a day.
Shits odd--senior year sucks.
I really hate the new school, but then again I hated the old school.
I guess Ill never be happy when it comes to high school..
And then comes college..who knows how thats gonna go.

The love of my life moved.
I never got to say goodbye.
And now she doesn't write.
Maybe she wants me out of her life?
I don't know.

I guess its time to move on...
I like Natalie.
She's quite awesome.
And she tells me she likes me...
but theres a slight problem.
She has a boyfriend.
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[09 Aug 2006|12:17am]

Wow, its been forever. Shits crazzy.
Blaze, Boondox and AMB was last night and it was another great show.
Arent they always though?

Last night was definitly one to remember though.
Ill never ever forget it as long as I live.
And thats just for the small fact that Jessica Ann Castro (yes that Jess) found me.
And appologized for everything she ever did to hurt me, and told me she still cares about me and still thinks about me. And wants to start hanging out with me and wants me to call her. Ive been waiting for this day for how long now? Going on three years?

She last tried to get in touch with me on my 16th birthday. And that didnt work too well since my moms a bitch. And sure we talk at shows, but its never anything big. More of a "Hey. how are you?" kinda thing.

But this time was different. She pulled me away from everyone during the show. And held my hands. And appologized and cried. And I cried. And I was flooded with emotions I didnt even know what to say. And the best part of all of this is...she wasnt on anything. No drugs. No alcohol. Nothing. This was just Jess. The Jess that I was in love with, before she fucked me over. The one that picked me flowers and bought me stuffed animals. And celebrated Valentines Day with way after Valentines Day because we were both in the hospital on Valentines Day. The one that let me wear her ring and talked to me every night on the phone when I was in the hospital. The Jess that wrote me letters for no reason, and sang to me. And brought me roses. The beautiful wonderful girl I fell in love with. And uuugh. Jessica Ann Castro.

Dont let me get into this again. I dont want round 2 of her. She fucked me over wayy too bad. She literally killed me. Shes the reason Im so fucked up when it comes to relationships, so you can all thank her. But I really want to believe she changed. That would be amazing. She wants me to call her. Christa said I should, but have a wall prepared. That I can do. Ive built a fucking massive wall because of her. Im sure I can use it on her. Just please, dont let her break it...
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[04 Jul 2006|08:21pm]
i dont write in here anymore.
cause no one even reads it.
sooo im done.
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[29 May 2006|10:13am]
Well well well.
My weekend was awesome.

Twiztid was saturday, and everyone that didnt go, you sure as fuck missed out.
My lovely Tina and I got there around 12:30.
Chillin. drinking. you know.
Mad people finally showed up, and there was BBQs EVERYWHERE you looked.
I ended up spending the entire day with my John (concert buddy from NH).
Hes the shit, and i always have the most fun with him.
Ran into Jess, which actually wasnt that bad.
Granted I did freak out at first.
But after it was cool.
She told Tina she still has feelings for me, now why would she go and say something like that?
Lunchbox confessed his love to me in a state of drunkenness.
So I kinda just brushed it off.
But later he was almost in tears talking to Tanya nd Matt about it.
I felt horrible.

Umm, what else?
The show itself was awesome. I spent the show itself with John as well.
Tina was pissed cause for once the attention wasnt on her.
But oh well, she made her rounds.
Going from Ben to Joel and from Joel to his brother Mike and from Mike to Dan.

After the show I just chilled til like 12:30 with mad people.
And some guy was outside filming for The Purple Show.
And evvverrryone knows I definitly left my mark on that shit =)

Twiztid is the shit <3.
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[22 May 2006|05:59pm]
I had a good weekend.
Got really drunk on Saturday.
With Chrystina Billy Mike Paul John (Mikes twin) and Bobby.
They all slept over, funny times.
Lets just say, Bobby's right leg is a little feminine LMAO.

Yesterday I worked.
And then went to the movies with Jt.
We saw See No Evil, which I thought was rather good!

And then today.
School was gaaay.
Then Bobby came over after school.
Hung out for a while, smoked a blunt.
And my mom dukes just brought him home.

Rest of this week Im working, except for Wednesday.
Then my mommy is going to NH, and my brother is going with his dad.
And I get the house to myself for the entire weekend.
How awesome is that!??!

And Saturday, TWIZTID!!! with my TinaMarie<333

Ohh. ps.
I know what I want my next tattoo to be.
A barcode, with 01261989 as the numbers under it =)
I just don't know where.
Any ideas?
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[20 May 2006|03:16pm]
I had soo much fun at my semi.
AHHHH!! it was great.
and chyea.
Ill put up pics as soon as I get them !!
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[17 May 2006|08:33am]
I got a bomb ass massage at school yesterday from Bobby.
I could definitely go for one of them right now...

Im getting my hair done today.
With Chrystina.
And yeah were gonna be hotties <3333.

Wanna hear somethin funny as hell?
Last night Jt asked if he could come to my semi.
I said "I already have a date, thanks!"
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[15 May 2006|11:10pm]
Today was a really good day.
Billy & Paul came over.
And we all took a nap til 5 lol
Then we picked up Chrys.
And came back to my house, and me and Chrys made dinner.
Then we decided to go on a stealing spree.
We started at Bldg. 19 then CVS then Brooks.
Then the CVS and the Brooks in Milbury LMAO.

I got lotsa new makeup.
Mhmm I sure did
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[13 May 2006|11:21am]
My mom put my cat to sleep yesterday.
And that upsets me greatly. =(.

Last night I got home from work.
Thought I was going to have an extra boring night.
Since SOMEONE blew me off.
But then Jessica randomly showed up.
And that made everything 10x better.
I <3 her lots.

and then Jt called, and was like "im coming over."
So he showed up..he rode a bike to my house.
In the rain...
awkward much?
I dont know what Im doing.
I dont know what I want.
My head is this huuuuge mess of confusion.

I dont want to be with Jt.
He made me wait around 9 months and now when Im trying to get over him,
is when he decides to realize he wants to be with me?
Umm, noo.
I really do like John.
And I want to see what happens with him.
But he's confusing too, if not more than Jt.
He has worse mood swings then a girl on her period.
Am I ready to deal with that?

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[09 May 2006|10:03pm]
yeah im bored...so this is a fucking dumb post.

hurry look!Collapse )
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[07 May 2006|06:33pm]
He told me this is working.
And that he sees us together.

I got home from his house at 2:30 last night.
And he called me at 3:00, just to tell me that.
It was rather wonderful.
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